While doctors are more likely to maintain successful marriages than their nonphysician counterparts, about 21% of surgeons and 18% of nonsurgeon physicians have gone through a divorce. Of course, ending a marriage is a complex and profoundly stressful process regardless of one’s profession. But the division of assets can be even more complicated when one or both partners are physicians.

There are several doctor-specific issues to consider. Often, you must factor in the value of a private practice or the contribution of one spouse who gave up a career to support a physician partner or care for children. Plus, doctors often have demanding, inflexible schedules that can complicate custody conversations as well as the process of divorce.

“Divorce is devastating, both personally and financially,” said James Dahle, MD, an emergency physician and founder of The White Coat Investor, a financial literacy website for doctors. “It’s a terrible thing to go through and a terrible thing to try to recover from, especially if you end up doing it more than once.”

Medscape Medical News spoke with experts who offered specific advice for doctors on how to navigate this difficult experience, pick up the pieces, and move on.

Think Business

It’s common to experience strong emotions during your divorce, but the financial aspects of the process are essentially a business transaction. The more you can take your emotions out of that part of the divorce, the better equipped you’ll be to make good decisions and negotiate effectively.

To make that easier: Ensure you have sterling professional advice tailored to your situation. Find a divorce lawyer — and if needed, financial advisors and/or accountants — with specific experience dealing with physicians and high-asset cases.

“If both of you have smart, strong advocates, then that means the attorneys will know the law and try to reach an equitable solution,” said Lisa Zeiderman, JD, CDFA, a New York divorce lawyer. “Sometimes smart and strong is confused with needlessly aggressive — you don’t want a bull in a China shop, but you don’t want an attorney who has little capacity to speak up on your behalf.”

Thomas Field, JD, MBA, a Chicago-based divorce and family law partner with Beermann LLP, says that when possible he prefers to keep cases out of court entirely, encouraging clients to engage in private mediations instead.

“Then you don’t have to rely on somebody in a black robe who’s overworked and doesn’t have time to get to know you, your family, and your estate,” he said. “And you get privacy on top of that.”

Also very important: A professional approach applies to your behavior.

Consider adhering to the equivalent of a criminal suspect’s Miranda Rights: Anything you say to your spouse — especially in writing (via email or text) — can be used against you in court or during negotiations, Zeiderman says. Venting frustrations or making emotional statements can negatively affect the divorce proceedings and even affect custody or financial settlements.

“As hard as it is, you want to just try to put the emotions aside and just make things fair,” said Jordan Frey, MD, founder of The Prudent Plastic Surgeon. “You’re looking out for yourself, obviously, but don’t try to chase the better deal at the expense of paying so much more in legal fees.”

Expect a Financial Deep Dive

Most states use an “equitable” distribution system when dividing property. This means that assets will get split up in a way that’s considered fair, based on factors like income potential and the length of the marriage, but may not be mathematically equal. A handful of states consider all marital assets “community property,” meaning that their value gets split equally. Either way, if you own all or part of a medical practice or have equity in some entity related to your profession, you’ll need to hand over your books to get a third-party valuation of your stake.

“There will likely be a forensic accounting firm who will be looking at what would be the fair market value of the practice,” said Zeiderman. “A lot of times that’s pretty shocking to doctors.”

Process that for a moment. That’s why it’s so critical to have professional advisors who handle physicians.

After determining the value, the courts will decide how to split it up. That split will depend on several factors, including whether your spouse worked in the practice or if they provided support by caring for children.

Because you probably won’t want to give away your equity and may be contractually barred from doing so, your spouse will likely receive a larger share of other assets, such as homes or retirement accounts, to make up for that value. Prepare for that.

Be Realistic About Custody

If you share children with your spouse, this part of divorce negotiations can be the most difficult. While courts typically prefer joint custody in divorce cases, they prioritize the best interest of the child over the goal of an equal time split for parents. If your spouse has served as the primary caregiver because of your long hours, the court may grant them additional time with the children, Zeiderman says.

“It may be that the schedule has to have more flexibility, childcare for the children, and perhaps more time during weekends or vacation time,” she added. “That being said, we have successfully advocated for doctors to have at least 50% and, in fact, sometimes more custody than the other parent.”

Aside from physical custody of the children, the court will make decisions on legal custody, or decision-making power for the children. For medical decisions, this power often goes to the physician parent.

Take Care of Yourself

Divorce is an intense and often traumatic experience. Now, as a physician, how would you advise a patient going through that? Follow your own advice.

“I’ve seen physicians completely pour themselves into work after this, working exceedingly long hours at the expense of their personal well-being,” Frey said. “I think it’s extremely important to work with a therapist, or at least a person of support, to check in and serve as an accountability partner for engaging in self-care.”

Michael Myers, MD, psychologist, professor of clinical psychiatry at SUNY Downstate Health Sciences University, Brooklyn, New York, and physician health specialist, says he has worked with doctors struggling with depression who needed to take medical leave after a divorce.

“Do everything in your power to ‘have a life,’” said Myers, who is also the author of How’s Your Marriage: A Book for Men and Women. “This is really key if it was overwork that contributed to your divorce. You need to protect time for yourself, your kids — quality time trumps quantity — your friends, other supports, and your family of origin.”

If you get to the point where it feels like your personal life is starting to spill over and affect your work, that might be a sign that it’s time to get professional help. Give yourself time to heal before starting to date again or rushing into another relationship, Myers recommends.

In the meantime, focus on your boilerplate lifestyle prescription: respect sleep, eat intelligently, and get regular physical activity.

Prepare for Your Postdivorce Financial Reality

Your entire financial picture will likely look different after the split. “For a lot of docs, especially if you’re the only earner in the household or you’re married to someone that’s not a high earner, you’re probably splitting your income in half,” Dahle said. “So, you lose half your assets and half the income you use to build assets. That really sets you back way more than 50%; it’s more like getting set back to 25%.”

Your long-term financial goals have likely also changed because you’re no longer planning for a retirement with your spouse. That makes this a great time to meet with a financial planner who can help you retool your money decisions to reflect your new situation.

“You may be a bit delayed, but divorce is not a death knell to a good life or a financially secure retirement,” said David Mandell, JD, MBA, an attorney and partner in the wealth management firm OJM Group.

Another important financial step after your divorce that is easily put off: Update the beneficiaries on all your insurance policies and retirement accounts, as well as your will and other estate planning documents.

Remarrying? Consider a Prenup

From a financial perspective, second marriages are typically more complicated than first marriages. That’s especially true if you’re entering a union with children from a previous marriage, have interest in a medical practice that you want to protect, or are still recovering financially from the impact of your divorce.

The best protection is to ask your future spouse to sign a prenuptial agreement before the wedding, Zeiderman says.

“A prenup is pretty much mandatory for anyone marrying who has children from a prior relationship, significant assets, or significant income,” Dahle added.

While you’re not planning for another divorce, taking this step can provide some peace of mind while managing financial expectations and potential inheritance issues for all parties. Still, there are emotional factors that can affect the way that a partner feels when asked for a prenup. To cushion the impact, Dahle suggests bringing it (and other conversations about money) up early in the relationship.

When you’re in the middle of it, the experience of divorce can feel never-ending. But remember: “People tend to think of divorce as a failure, but in so many ways, it isn’t,” Myers said. “For so long, they’ve been living in a situation that’s toxic or is no longer working. If they come to a point of a couple separating, it can represent improving mental health for one or both of them.”